I cant wait until then

If I were to live a life that was a life what was right, what would it look like? Why do we love people only to say a very long and sad goodbye to them. Christmas mornings, laughter, meetings, toasts, hours and hours and hours together with people, only to say goodbye. It's a result of the curse, a curse that is something unfathomable. A curse that tears and rips and decimates, a rift that I honestly believe somehow God will work together for good.

I loved once, but there came a day I had to say goodbye to her and now she's married to another man. I had a friend once, a good friend once but we said goodbye, she died before I could say goodbye, its been 10 years since. I loved a grandmother once, once upon a time, she heard me read Psalm 23 and Psalm 91, but we said a very somber goodbye, well I said it, she was dying. We said goodbye, but she knew I was there, she knew I was there, its been 1 long year. I remember the time my brother left for the military, I was 12. Im 29 now. It's been 5 minutes, I turned around and 5 minutes was 17 years.I walked my nephew down the streets of Disney, we walked and I held him at 7 on my shoulders, now he's 14. I was asked to start a ministry once, 3 years ago.

I graduated seminary 1 year ago already, I remember the first night I walked in. I graduated college, 7 years ago. I graduated high school, almost 11 years ago. I kissed you one night, that was over 4 years ago and it feels like last week. I saw you in that dress the night of graduation, you were going to graduate soon after me but by then I wasn't invited to see yours. I watched the Yankees with you, I danced with you, I laughed with you, I hugged you, I walked miles with you, we talked. We talked and laughed and when I close my eyes I see you....I cant wait until I see you again. I cant wait until I see you and I hope your proud of me. There was a small bench outside near the lake that we used to sit on and talk about how I was never going to change and I was so prideful I couldn't scream I love you and your all I ever wanted. Certain nights we stayed out and the small Irish bar reminds me of you every single time I walk in. When it was cold out and I got off work I remember buying a round for you and you would hug me and not let me go all night. If I could go back I would live every second of it again.

I remember the day we buried my grandmother, I asked the Pastor to read Psalm 91 and that was the last thing that was read before they lowered her in.

How many have been lowered in? How many good times have been had, how many goodbye's have there been? I never thought I would see you go.

I saw my uncle and my grandmother and so many other friends go.

Your my girlfriend I left behind me, I remember the Ferris wheel, If I close my eyes I can see you here with me now and we can spin around and around I'll Ill hold you and make this memory and even pay your tab and think of you when your 100,000 miles away with your family and a new life. Perhaps God is so good that he loves the reuniting, perhaps there is nothing after and there is no reuniting, perhaps you have no idea who I am now and If i was this man then things would have changed.One day when I look into her new eyes Ill know why God ended it all, when one family member dies it appears that there is always a few new births, a sign of God's great Grace. One day if I have children I will look at them and know why we said so long, if things worked out they wouldn't exist, the one I love for life will be the reason why things ended. One day I will sit with her at a lake far off and I wont want to be anywhere else, I wont even want to go back because it will be her that I love, her that gave me the kids, and her that followed God with me.

If there was nothing after, would we even long for a reuniting. What is love? How can one be a good man? I want to see you again. I see you now, but do I treat you like I want to see you again? When I close my eyes I'm there again, but I know soon well be together and I cant wait till then.
I remember carrying you across the parking lot, I remember you grabbed my hand and ran with me because our song was live at that concert. I listen to our song still, I remember our song after all these years and I still feel the same at certain parts. I remember when you took 95 I went the turnpike, I had no idea that was it. I remember when you drove off in your Jeep, I had no idea that was it. I remember when you hung up the phone, I had no idea that was it, I remember your ring tone, I had no idea, absolutely no idea that was it. When I close my eyes I see you, no matter where I am. I wish I could call you and be that age again. When I close my eyes I see you, no matter where I am, I go back no matter where I am. I cant wait till I see you again, when everything is comfortable, right , joy and perhaps lived once again. Soon we'll be together and I cant wait till then.